High school sweethearts getting married. We had a beautiful garden wedding at Harry P. Leu Gardens, Orlando, FL. At the ages of 25 and 26, we had no idea what we were getting into. We knew we loved one another. We had been together for 8 years before we were engaged. In our 9th year of dating, we married. We thought we had everything figured out, since we lived together before marriage. That was our first mistake. Cohabitation is not the answer to bring happiness to any relationship for many reasons: it’s not God’s best for relationship, there is no real commitment, no one in the relationship is fully developed to know how they would respond to life situations relationally, and fear is the emotion that people respond from when making the decision to cohabitate. We lived together based on our theory of “living together before marriage will tell us we can do marriage and there will be no divorce.” Such immature thinking and totally false. My husband experienced divorce in his childhood. He knew the hurt from divorce and did not want to experience it again. I grew up in a family where cohabitation was normal. Cohabitation does not guarantee you anything. You may say, well you all got married, I say, allow this blog to speak to your heart as I share my personal walk. As mentioned before, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We knew we wanted to have a godly marriage but did not know what that would involve. We assumed that going to church and hearing the word of God would lead us to have a godly marriage.
Well, we went to church faithfully and was very involved in our ministry at the time, however, before the end of our first year of marriage, I wanted to through in the towel. So much for cohabitation, huh! My husband looked at me and told me divorce was not an option. I was happy to hear that. I wondered how did I have allow myself to entertain such thoughts. One day I was at my hair appointment and the Holy Spirit begin to speak to me about my marriage. He informed me that my marriage was not about my purpose and plan, but God’s purpose and plan. He shared with me that I was being selfish and that I needed to get it together. I was miss independent. I would set goals for myself and not allow anyone or anything to get in my way from accomplishing what I set out to do. God did not call me into marriage to be miss independent, but to do relationship respectfully, honoring, and humbly unto Him. Notice He spoke to me about me in the marriage. When the Holy Spirit speaks to you, you would be a fool to argue back. I surrendered because I knew the Holy Spirit was right. I repented to my husband for my attitude, thoughts, and speech towards him regarding divorce. This is not to say my husband was innocent. It says that I took responsibility for me.
We are 13 years into marriage with four children, all boys. My husband and have always been involved in church but being involved in church is not the answer, it is becoming the church, and that is the major difference. We allow the word of God to lead our life in every area, which consist of ourselves individually, marriage, family, business, ministry, financially, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually. When the Holy Spirit gives us instructions, we follow them without hesitation. I am continuously being develop on how to be an extraordinary wife that pleases God. Has it been easy? No. There were many times that I did not feel like praying for my husband after we had a disagreement. Although we would talked things out, I would still walk away knowing he did not get me, so our conversation would be unresolved until there was sincere understanding. I must say, my husband has always been a person to sit and listen to my concerns and he makes efforts to change. His one challenge was connecting to my concerns. Today, he makes a continuous effort to communicate and connect to my concerns. I clearly understand that God has given me an assignment to pray for him daily sincerely, and that assignment was not given to me based upon my feelings. God is depending on me to work with Him in regards to my husband’s assignment, so I found myself following God’s word by casting my cares on Him, and seeking the right attitude with the heart of forgiveness towards my husband before I prayed for him. After I would take care of me emotionally, I was able to pray for my husband effectively. I believe in God’s word about my purpose in marriage and that is what strengthens me to excel in it. I have discovered my husband and I grow at different paces, so I must pray for myself daily to have patience with him. I invite the Holy Spirit in every day to help me be the wife God has called me to be, because I cannot do it alone. Forgiveness was created by God. I need His Spirit to enable me to forgive authentically every time something goes in a direction unexpected. The Holy Spirit instructed me to forgive quickly, so I need Him to help me not to hold on to grudges, and women, we are known to hold things forever. I have chosen to walk in humility by doing what the word of God instructs me to do. When I am feeling hurt over a disagreement, I cast it upon my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and allow Him to care for me. I do not contact my family or friends and speak against my husband.
The Holy Spirit gave me a powerful revelation on being a help meet. He allowed me to see my role as being a partaker of who God is. I now understand that I bring life changing significance to my husband. He is my first assignment before anything else. This means children, work, extracurricular activities comes after him. I am to pray for him daily, believe the word of God about him, speak the word of God over him, and make sure my thoughts towards him are godly, and my heart towards him is of love, grace, and peace. If I have negativity towards him, then I cannot pray effectively for him. Someone may think, how can I do such a thing? My response is: do you love God? I have discovered for myself, my one desire is to please God. I have a relationship with Him to know His heart for me. I know that He put me and my husband together and with His direction, He will see us to His best. He continues to develop me to be more like Him in marriage. I continue to have the appetite to want to be like Him in marriage. The bottom line here is change. I do not do marriage from the pedigree I was born from. It is known that people marry the parent of the opposite sex. I believe that’s true being that’s all you know, but when you come into the new life of Christ, you can discipline your life to be that of the kingdom of God. It can’t be mixed with a little of your bio parents and some of Jesus. If the parents did not train you up in the Lord, Jesus, then you will have to become a student of the word of God, receive the Holy Spirit, and allow Him to guide you. God is the creator of marriage, not man. He is the one that knows how it is to work. It takes maturing on each person to make it a success. Every day I yield to God’s perfect plan for my marriage by working on me. I understand women that have endured hurt by their spouse. I am not saying for a woman to allow her husband to physically or verbally abuse her, that’s not acceptable by God. God loved the church, He gave His life for it and husbands are to love their wives that they give their life for her, not being dominate because of their insecurities. That is a clear indication that he needs help. I am saying to women whose hearts has been broken by your spouse, I get you, and at the same time I know with the help of the Holy Spirit, things can change. God mends the heart of the broken hearted. He walks with you every step of the way, to grow and strengthen you so you can be a blessing to your family and others. It’s not easy, but believe me when I say, it’s worth it. My children know I love their dad, they hear it and see it. I am thankful to have a husband that desires and seeks after God for his life, marriage, and family. Neither one of us is perfect in doing everything right, but we are perfect in God because we continue to mature in Him to be a blessing to each other, our children, and to help others in our community. My husband is truly my best friend and I am his.
